Hercules (1997)
Sometimes Nostalgia Goggles can be a problem.
See when revisiting something from your youth, there are a number of possible outcomes. First, you find that the thing in question is as good as you remember. Second, you find it is not as good but still decent. Third, you find it is not nearly as good as your remember or, lastly, you find it has not held up in any way shape of form.
I've had a number of experiences with all four outcomes- the internet has allowed so much of the stuff I grew up on to be found again that it was inevitable I would take a few trips down memory lane. The downside is when said trips lead to outcomes three and four, in which rather then being a fun journey with a happy ending, it's the equivalent to a family going to Disneyworld, getting lost along the way, and instead spending their vacation at some backwater no-name theme park whose most exciting ride involves complimentary barf bags.
So yes, sometimes revisiting ones pop culture past can be problematic, and to link back to the previous metaphor, Disney is a prime example of this.
See for most of us growing up, especially children of the late 80s- early 90s, Disney was the shit. Between the Disney Film Revolution of the early part of the 1990s to the Disney Afternoon on weekday television to McDonalds having Happy Meal toys for every freaking flick they could come out with, it was near impossible to be affected by the Mouse House during this era, and we ate it all up. I still recall going to see Aladdin in theatres twice (and both times being terrified by the Cave of Wonders- not my fault, I was five years old, not a fan of loud noises, and my family sat right next to a speaker), waiting in line for The Lion King, singing Disney songs with my brother (we had many soundtracks) and rushing home every day to catch Ducktales, Chip & Dale, Talespin and Darkwing Duck.
That said, times change.
Most people are well aware that as the 90s drew to a close, Disney was losing traction. Sure there were still some good films, but the quality was definitely taking a nosedive. Many critics point to 1995's Pocahontas as the beginning of this slow decline and while I would like to agree with them, I saw the movie once and didn't care so I'm biased. No for me, the first Disney film I remember not being a giant fan of was today's film, 1997's Hercules, but I could not put my finger on why- well, outside of the inaccuracies (I was somewhat of a Greek Mythology buff as a child so even then I knew there was SO MUCH WRONG with the film) but that's not what soured me on it.
No, there was much more to make me dislike the film, as I discovered today when, bored and skimming through the vast sea that is Netflix, I clicked on the flick to kill some time and maybe see if I was wrong back in the day.
I wasn't.
This is Disney's Hercules
Plot
(Please note, as I type this plot I am experiences small aneurysms because the Greek Mythology lover in me is screaming in agony)
In Ancient Greece, many centuries past, the evil Titans (in this story elemental creatures for some reason- cept for a Cyclops) were defeated and sealed away by Zeus, King of The Gods, voiced by Rip Torn. Sometime later, he and his wife Hera have a son named Hercules (I'm not even gonna try and explain what's wrong here), who even as an infant is incredibly strong. As a gift, Zeus makes a flying horse out of cloud and names him Pegasus, and he and Hercules become fast friends. While the rest of the Olympians are happy for the couple, Zeus's brother Hades, God of the Underworld, voiced by James Woods, is far from pleased. He learns from the Fates that Hercules will stand in his way of freeing the Titans and overthrowing Zeus, and so he conspires to have the child killed. He sends his minions, Pain, voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, and Panic, voiced by Matt Frewer, to kidnap Hercules, feed him a potion that will render him mortal, and then kill him. While the two succeed with the first two thirds of the plan, they fail at the third due to the intervention of an elderly couple who interrupt the feeding and thus allow Hercules to retain his strength even as a mortal. The couple take the child in and raise him as their own, but as he grows up, his strength becomes a burden and makes him an outcast. After learning that he was found, he seeks out his past at a temple of Zeus, where his father appears and tells him to restore his god hood, he must prove himself a true hero, and send the boy off to see Philoctetes, trainer of heros, alongside the now grown up Pegasus. The two find Philoctetes, who goes by Phil, a satyr voice by Danny Devito, who, after some cajoling, comes out of retirement to train Hercules. When the time is right the trio head for the city of Thebes, a town with lots of danger and bad luck where Phil believes Hercules can begin his life as a hero. Along the way they encounter a woman named Megara being attacked by a centaur called Nessus. Hercules manages to defeat the centaur and save Meg, but she blows the three off. We learn later she is a servant of Hades, who is not to pleased to find out Hercules is still alive. Now he needs to find a way to get Hercules out of the pictures, while Hercules tries his best to become a true hero, all the while falling for Megara.
Thoughts
Let me just get this out of the way before my head explodes... Deep breath..
HERCULES WAS THE SON OF ZEUS AND A MORTAL WOMAN. HERA HATED HIM AND SPENT MUCH OF HER TIME TRYING TO KILL HIM OR MAKE HIM SUFFER, SUCH AS WHEN SHE AFFLICTS HIM WITH MADNESS AND HE KILLS HIS WIFE- MEGARA!. HADES IS NOT A VILLAIN, THE MOST EVIL ACT HE DOES IS KIDNAP PERSEPHONE AND HE DOES THAT BECAUSE HE IS LONELY. IN THE REST OF THE MYTHS HE BARELY PLAYS A PART BUT WHEN HE DOES APPEAR HE IS NEVER PORTRAYED AS EVIL. PEGASUS WAS THE HORSE OF BELLEROPHEN, A HERO WHO SLEW THE CHIMERA WITH PEGASUS'S HELP. HE DOES NOT APPEAR IN ANY OF THE HERCULES MYTHS.
Okay, that out of the way, let's talk about the movie as a whole. It's not that good. The animation is decent although some of the character models don't look right, though I do give them credit for how they made the Gods look. The story is pretty blah when you get right down to it, and it is riddled with plot holes, the one that sticks out the most is right in the open- So Zeus took out the Titans on his own in the beginning, but this time they take out ALL OF THE GODS? How does this work, did he stop lifting weights in the ensuing years since the first battle? And on that note, why is Hercules so detrimental to Hades plan? He shows up, frees the Gods, and then, after they have kicked Titan ass, scoops up the bodies and throws them into space.... where they explode... Which again, makes no sense- if that was all that needed to be done why didn't Zeus do that in the first place instead of locking them away somewhere that could be opened when the planets aligned?
Another issue, which was brought up by the awesome Nostalgia Chick Lindsey Ellis, what is up with the potion Hades uses on Hercules? Where did he get it, why would he even have it? At what point would someone had said "you know what needs to exist? A pink potion that can remove God hood from a God". It literally only exists as a means to propel the plot forward yet it's very existence makes no sense. I mean shit by that logic why didn't Hades's minions decide to use it on him with all the abuse he puts them through?
I could go on about the plot holes but let's examine some other issues. The characters. Disney had developed some great characters in their films and television series, heroes, villains and sidekick's alike, and sometimes you get a movie or show that has all great ones, like Alladin or Ducktales.
This movie, alas, is not one of them.
Now that being said, there are some great, entertaining characters. Unfortunately, almost all of them are villains. Hades is entertaining and likeable, and you crack up every time he flips out. Likewise, as the aforementioned Nostalgia Chick points out, he is a God of his word- he makes deals yes, but he stands by them. Usually you expect a deal making villain to exploit loopholes or some other flaws in a contract for his own gain... Hades doesn't do this. Heck the movie actually goes out of it's way to let us know that he has reason to be 'evil'- he was given rule of the Underworld, where he is surrounded by the spirits of the dead, and, as people are always dying, he is always working to some degree, whereas Zeus and the other Gods- well, you see them at the start just lounging around Olympus having a ball. Can you really blame him for being a bit annoyed at his family? Likewise, his minions Pain and Panic are some great comic relief, and I don't just say that because the former is voiced by one of my favorite directors. The two are just fun and play off one another very well.
On the side of good Phil and Pegasus are fun, the former playing the grizzled Mickey-esque trainer to a tee and the latter providing a good amount of slapstick, but outside of them, the cast leaves much to be desired. Hercules is a bit of an idiot, not naive, an idiot. I find him unlikable for that reason as well as the fact that he falls into the 'wins by luck' category- think about it, be beats the centaur with help, he beats the Hydra because the creatures just happened to hold him next to a mountain, there just happens to be a torch nearby when the Cyclops is ready to beat him, Hell, he only get his powers back because someone else saves his sorry ass. To me he is just not an entertaining or interesting character- he's the kind of lead character I want to punch in the face every time he does/says something stupid. Likewise, Meg, while different for a Disney love interest, with the sarcasm, alignment with villain, soul-selling deal, jumps into the typical damsel category quite quickly- regardless of her attitude we see in her second encounter with Hercules she's fallen for him. I don't care what her song says she said it by her actions at that point, everything else is just semantics. She's more interesting then Hercules, but still not nearly as likeable or entertaining as her fellow 'villains'.
And speaking of songs... Disney has had some great tunes over the years, many of which have held up surprisingly well- I have a co-worker who sings Hakuna Matata weekly, a friend of mine and I had a Disney sing-along during a recent hang out, hell, my brother and his wife had a Disney-themed wedding with plenty of tunes played from the Mouse House repetoire.
However none of the above incidents had any songs from Hercules, and the reason for that is- the songs in this movie are terrible. Not the worst Disney had done by a long shot, but nowhere near the classics. The Gospel Truth I find annoying and repetitive, Go the Distance has some potential but never reaches it, Zero to Hero, see the Gospel Truth, and I Won't Say I'm In Love, while a good song, belongs in a better movie. Honestly the only song I found myself taking a shine to was One Last Hope, if only because Danny Devito is entertaining and the songs fits perfectly with the training montage. But that's one song out of the entire movie, not a good record for the Mouse House.
Conclusion
Some things should be left in the past. Movies and shows we once loved may not stand up under closer scrutiny. Even the Mighty Disney is guilty of this, and while some movies likely have more strikes against them then this one, this is the movie that really started my distrust of Disney, something that would not be completely mended until Lilo & Stich. With plot holes you can drive a semi through, lead characters that pale in comparison to the villains of the piece, and disposable songs that won't be turning into earworms anytime in the near future, the movie is no classic. Now that said, I know plenty of people who would disagree, who like the films despite it's flaws, have songs off the soundtrack on their playlist, and likely have the film on their DVD shelf along with plenty of other Disney flicks, and to those people I say power to you. May your own Nostalgia Goggles never fall off, but as for me, mine have cracked so many times I need a roll of duct tape to keep them together. If you like it, keep liking it, but if you aren't too sure about it, remember what I said and give the movie another, closer look, see if you get what I'm saying.
2 Flailing Hydra Heads out of 5
That's all out of me folks, until next time I'm The Drew and I Be Awesome!
Note- those interested in The Nostalgia Chick review I mention, check it out here- http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/team-nchick/nostalgia-chick/27032-hercules
No comments:
Post a Comment