Drew On Movies #34: Hercules (1997)

Hercules (1997)

Sometimes Nostalgia Goggles can be a problem.

See when revisiting something from your youth, there are a number of possible outcomes. First, you find that the thing in question is as good as you remember. Second, you find it is not as good but still decent. Third, you find it is not nearly as good as your remember or, lastly, you find it has not held up in any way shape of form.

I've had a number of experiences with all four outcomes- the internet has allowed so much of the stuff I grew up on to be found again that it was inevitable I would take a few trips down memory lane. The downside is when said trips lead to outcomes three and four, in which rather then being a fun journey with a happy ending, it's the equivalent to a family going to Disneyworld, getting lost along the way, and instead spending their vacation at some backwater no-name theme park whose most exciting ride involves complimentary barf bags.

So yes, sometimes revisiting ones pop culture past can be problematic, and to link back to the previous metaphor, Disney is a prime example of this.

See for most of us growing up, especially children of the late 80s- early 90s, Disney was the shit. Between the Disney Film Revolution of the early part of the 1990s to the Disney Afternoon on weekday television to McDonalds having Happy Meal toys for every freaking flick they could come out with, it was near impossible to be affected by the Mouse House during this era, and we ate it all up. I still recall going to see Aladdin in theatres twice (and both times being terrified by the Cave of Wonders- not my fault, I was five years old, not a fan of loud noises, and my family sat right next to a speaker), waiting in line for The Lion King, singing Disney songs with my brother (we had many soundtracks) and rushing home every day to catch Ducktales, Chip & Dale, Talespin and Darkwing Duck.

That said, times change.

Most people are well aware that as the 90s drew to a close, Disney was losing traction. Sure there were still some good films, but the quality was definitely taking a nosedive. Many critics point to 1995's Pocahontas as the beginning of this slow decline and while I would like to agree with them, I saw the movie once and didn't care so I'm biased. No for me, the first Disney film I remember not being a giant fan of was today's film, 1997's Hercules, but I could not put my finger on why- well, outside of the inaccuracies (I was somewhat of a Greek Mythology buff as a child so even then I knew there was SO MUCH WRONG with the film) but that's not what soured me on it.

No, there was much more to make me dislike the film, as I discovered today when, bored and skimming through the vast sea that is Netflix, I clicked on the flick to kill some time and maybe see if I was wrong back in the day.

I wasn't.

This is Disney's Hercules

Plot

(Please note, as I type this plot I am experiences small aneurysms because the Greek Mythology lover in me is screaming in agony)

In Ancient Greece, many centuries past, the evil Titans (in this story elemental creatures for some reason- cept for a Cyclops) were defeated and sealed away by Zeus, King of The Gods, voiced by Rip Torn. Sometime later, he and his wife Hera have a son named Hercules (I'm not even gonna try and explain what's wrong here), who even as an infant is incredibly strong. As a gift, Zeus makes a flying horse out of cloud and names him Pegasus, and he and Hercules become fast friends. While the rest of the Olympians are happy for the couple, Zeus's brother Hades, God of the Underworld, voiced by James Woods, is far from pleased. He learns from the Fates that Hercules will stand in his way of freeing the Titans and overthrowing Zeus, and so he conspires to have the child killed. He sends his minions, Pain, voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, and Panic, voiced by Matt Frewer, to kidnap Hercules, feed him a potion that will render him mortal, and then kill him. While the two succeed with the first two thirds of the plan, they fail at the third due to the intervention of an elderly couple who interrupt the feeding and thus allow Hercules to retain his strength even as a mortal. The couple take the child in and raise him as their own, but as he grows up, his strength becomes a burden and makes him an outcast. After learning that he was found, he seeks out his past at a temple of Zeus, where his father appears and tells him to restore his god hood, he must prove himself a true hero, and send the boy off to see Philoctetes, trainer of heros, alongside the now grown up Pegasus. The two find Philoctetes, who goes by Phil, a satyr voice by Danny Devito, who, after some cajoling, comes out of retirement to train Hercules. When the time is right the trio head for the city of Thebes, a town with lots of danger and bad luck where Phil believes Hercules can begin his life as a hero. Along the way they encounter a woman named Megara being attacked by a centaur called Nessus. Hercules manages to defeat the centaur and save Meg, but she blows the three off. We learn later she is a servant of Hades, who is not to pleased to find out Hercules is still alive. Now he needs to find a way to get Hercules out of the pictures, while Hercules tries his best to become a true hero, all the while falling for Megara.

Thoughts

Let me just get this out of the way before my head explodes... Deep breath..

HERCULES WAS THE SON OF ZEUS AND A MORTAL WOMAN. HERA HATED HIM AND SPENT MUCH OF HER TIME TRYING TO KILL HIM OR MAKE HIM SUFFER, SUCH AS WHEN SHE AFFLICTS HIM WITH MADNESS AND HE KILLS HIS WIFE- MEGARA!. HADES IS NOT A VILLAIN, THE MOST EVIL ACT HE DOES IS KIDNAP PERSEPHONE AND HE DOES THAT BECAUSE HE IS LONELY. IN THE REST OF THE MYTHS HE BARELY PLAYS A PART BUT WHEN HE DOES APPEAR HE IS NEVER PORTRAYED AS EVIL. PEGASUS WAS THE HORSE OF BELLEROPHEN, A HERO WHO SLEW THE CHIMERA WITH PEGASUS'S HELP. HE DOES NOT APPEAR IN ANY OF THE HERCULES MYTHS.

Okay, that out of the way, let's talk about the movie as a whole. It's not that good. The animation is decent although some of the character models don't look right, though I do give them credit for how they made the Gods look. The story is pretty blah when you get right down to it, and it is riddled with plot holes, the one that sticks out the most is right in the open- So Zeus took out the Titans on his own in the beginning, but this time they take out ALL OF THE GODS? How does this work, did he stop lifting weights in the ensuing years since the first battle? And on that note, why is Hercules so detrimental to Hades plan? He shows up, frees the Gods, and then, after they have kicked Titan ass, scoops up the bodies and throws them into space.... where they explode... Which again, makes no sense- if that was all that needed to be done why didn't Zeus do that in the first place instead of locking them away somewhere that could be opened when the planets aligned?

Another issue, which was brought up by the awesome Nostalgia Chick Lindsey Ellis, what is up with the potion Hades uses on Hercules? Where did he get it, why would he even have it? At what point would someone had said "you know what needs to exist? A pink potion that can remove God hood from a God". It literally only exists as a means to propel the plot forward yet it's very existence makes no sense. I mean shit by that logic why didn't Hades's minions decide to use it on him with all the abuse he puts them through?

I could go on about the plot holes but let's examine some other issues. The characters. Disney had developed some great characters in their films and television series, heroes, villains and sidekick's alike, and sometimes you get a movie or show that has all great ones, like Alladin or Ducktales.

This movie, alas, is not one of them.

Now that being said, there are some great, entertaining characters. Unfortunately, almost all of them are villains.     Hades is entertaining and likeable, and you crack up every time he flips out. Likewise, as the aforementioned Nostalgia Chick points out, he is a God of his word- he makes deals yes, but he stands by them. Usually you expect a deal making villain to exploit loopholes or some other flaws in a contract for his own gain... Hades doesn't do this. Heck the movie actually goes out of it's way to let us know that he has reason to be 'evil'- he was given rule of the Underworld, where he is surrounded by the spirits of the dead, and, as people are always dying, he is always working to some degree, whereas Zeus and the other Gods- well, you see them at the start just lounging around Olympus having a ball. Can you really blame him for being a bit annoyed at his family? Likewise, his minions Pain and Panic are some great comic relief, and I don't just say that because the former is voiced by one of my favorite directors. The two are just fun and play off one another very well.

On the side of good Phil and Pegasus are fun, the former playing the grizzled Mickey-esque trainer to a tee and the latter providing a good amount of slapstick, but outside of them, the cast leaves much to be desired. Hercules is a bit of an idiot, not naive, an idiot. I find him unlikable for that reason as well as the fact that he falls into the 'wins by luck' category- think about it, be beats the centaur with help, he beats the Hydra because the creatures just happened to hold him next to a mountain, there just happens to be a torch nearby when the Cyclops is ready to beat him, Hell, he only get his powers back because someone else saves his sorry ass. To me he is just not an entertaining or interesting character- he's the kind of lead character I want to punch in the face every time he does/says something stupid. Likewise, Meg, while different for a Disney love interest, with the sarcasm, alignment with villain, soul-selling deal, jumps into the typical damsel category quite quickly- regardless of her attitude we see in her second encounter with Hercules she's fallen for him. I don't care what her song says she said it by her actions at that point, everything else is just semantics. She's more interesting then Hercules, but still not nearly as likeable or entertaining as her fellow 'villains'.

And speaking of songs... Disney has had some great tunes over the years, many of which have held up surprisingly well- I have a co-worker who sings Hakuna Matata weekly, a friend of mine and I had a Disney sing-along during a recent hang out, hell, my brother and his wife had a Disney-themed wedding with plenty of tunes played from the Mouse House repetoire.

However none of the above incidents had any songs from Hercules, and the reason for that is- the songs in this movie are terrible. Not the worst Disney had done by a long shot, but nowhere near the classics. The Gospel Truth I find annoying and repetitive, Go the Distance has some potential but never reaches it, Zero to Hero, see the Gospel Truth, and I Won't Say I'm In Love, while a good song, belongs in a better movie. Honestly the only song I found myself taking a shine to was One Last Hope, if only because Danny Devito is entertaining and the songs fits perfectly with the training montage. But that's one song out of the entire movie, not a good record for the Mouse House.

Conclusion
Some things should be left in the past. Movies and shows we once loved may not stand up under closer scrutiny. Even the Mighty Disney is guilty of this, and while some movies likely have more strikes against them then this one, this is the movie that really started my distrust of Disney, something that would not be completely mended until Lilo & Stich. With plot holes you can drive a semi through, lead characters that pale in comparison to the villains of the piece, and disposable songs that won't be turning into earworms anytime in the near future, the movie is no classic. Now that said, I know plenty of people who would disagree, who like the films despite it's flaws, have songs off the soundtrack on their playlist, and likely have the film on their DVD shelf along with plenty of other Disney flicks, and to those people I say power to you. May your own Nostalgia Goggles never fall off, but as for me, mine have cracked so many times I need a roll of duct tape to keep them together. If you like it, keep liking it, but if you aren't too sure about it, remember what I said and give the movie another, closer look, see if you get what I'm saying.

2 Flailing Hydra Heads out of 5

That's all out of me folks, until next time I'm The Drew and I Be Awesome!

Note- those interested in The Nostalgia Chick review I mention, check it out here- http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/team-nchick/nostalgia-chick/27032-hercules

Drew On Movies #18: Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension

 Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across The 2nd Dimension (2011)

So about two years ago my little sister was home sick and I didn't have work or class, so we were sitting around watching TV. While skimming through the channels she stopped on one and told me this cartoon was on and we had to watch it. Now I grew up in what I like to call the Golden Age of Cartoons- basically the mid 1980s until the mid 1990s were when some of the best cartoons were on the air, and since then, I've noticed that not only are there next to no Saturday morning cartoons on anymore, the few that there are, well, they kinda suck. Add in that the cartoon was on The Disney channel, and I wasn't sold- I mean Disney has done some great stuff over the years, but outside of Pixar's output and maybe two or three animated films, their glory days are behind them, at least in terms of quality. But eh, she had the remote so figured I'd see what it was.

And I'm glad I did, because that was the day I discovered Phineas and Ferb.

For those unaware, Phineas and Ferb is about two step brothers, the titular Phineas and Ferb and their
adventures over the summer. On its own that sounds like a really simple plot, but you need to understand one thing first- the boys know no limits and literally live everyday as much as possible, going top extreme lengths to have the 'best day ever'. As the theme song tells, they have done everything from build a roller coaster through their town, searched for Mummies, traveled trough time, and more, all the while avoiding their sister Candace, who wants nothing more then to bust them. Add in their pet platypus Perry who is actually a secret agent who tangles daily with incompetent evil scientist Dr. Doofenshmirtz, and you have one of the most original and well written cartoons on television. What really sold the show to me, outside of the creativity, is the writing. The characters are likeable, the plots entertaining, and the songs- yes there are songs, in fact ever episode since the third one have had at least one original song, are catchy and enjoyable. Not only did I become a fan, but I got my father and older brother into the series and introduced it to my friends as well.

This past year it was announced that the show was getting a made for TV feature and while my experience with made for TV/DVD Disney movies has not been the best, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt since I love the show so much, and I was not disappointed. This folks, is Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension in glorious 2D.

Plot

It's the fifth anniversary of the day Phineas and Ferb brought Perry home and the duo are having fun with their pet. While using his natural reflex of flicking his tail when his neck get scratched to launch a baseball, the two decide to build large Perry tails to laugh a giant shuttlecock across town in a game of platypus bandminton During this time Perry is called away by his superior, Major Monogram, and informed once again that his owners can never learn of his secret identity or else he will be forced to move. He is then sent to stop Doofenshmirtz from completing work on his latest device which can open portals into other dimensions. As he flies off to do so his ship is hit by Phineas and Ferb's giant shuttlecock which changes both courses- sending Perry crashing and the boys straight for the Dr.'s lab. They crash into Doof's place and destroy his device, but being the good guys they are offer to fix it, even getting rid of his usual Self-Destruct button. Perry arrives but reverts to his 'pet' disguise when he notices the boys. He tries to stop them from fixing the device but instead annoys Phineas with his bad behavior. They finish the machine and cross into another dimension when Doof notices a couch he wants to steal to replace his own, only to discover in this universe his counterpart rules the Tri-State Area with an iron fist and has turned this universe's Perry into his cyborg general. When they group meet this truly evil Doofenshmirtz he reveals that Perry is a secret agent, a fact that hurts Phineas and he believes that Perry hid it from them because he does not trust them. The trio escape and meet their counterparts while attempting to return to their home dimension, only for Perry to turn himself in to save them. This leads to their joining up with this universe's Candace, who leads the rebellion against Doof, both to save Perry and return home before this Doof crosses over and invades.

Thoughts

Where do I begin.

First off, great songs, I need to get that out of the way. While not the best the series has turned out (the title goes to the entire soundtrack from the hour long Summer Belongs to You special), they are still catchy, especially the opening number Everything is Better with Perry. The plot is pretty basic but still has some great moments, such as showing how little things change the characters between universes (the other dimension's Candace for example, has spent her live protecting her brothers rather then busting them, leading to her growing up fast and the boys being sheltered). This is played for laughs at times, such as the revelation as to what led to the other universe's Doof being as evil as he is in relation to the original. Also the reactions from Phineas when he learns about Perry's double life are good and heartbreaking at times, as you can see the hurt in his eyes as well as those in Perry's as he is unable to explain why he could not tell them. Ferb as always has some entertaining single lines, and while I wish the side characters could've had a bit more to do, this really is a story about the boys and Perry and their relationship in light of the events.

If I have one complaint about the film is it's length- at an hour and fifteen minutes, it easily could have stretched itself out to a full ninety minutes with a little more story or song extension. That being said they did well with the time allotted so I can't really complain- hell, with an extra twenty minutes it was ten times better then Winnie the Pooh was and that movie got a theatrical release!

That said the film has a good opening, a decent middle and a satisfying conclusion with fun dialogue and songs throughout. As a made for TV film based on a TV series it works better then most made for DVD Disney sequels so there really isn't much to complain about. A little more time and a little more character and it would've been perfect but I'll take what I can get. It is satisfying for fans of the show in my opinion, and really that's who it is made for- sure people who have never seen the show before could watch it but there are quite a few call backs to the series itself that might go over non-fans heads.

Conclusion

Out of the three longer then an episode Phineas and Ferb specials (the others being the aforementioned Summer Belongs to You and the Christmas themed Phineas and Ferb's Christmas Vacation) this film is the longest but would take spot number three, as Summer Belongs to You has better songs and development and Christmas Vacation has a better story and is a Christmas special which scores big in my book. That does not take away from it however, as it is still a fun movie and bottom of the top three is better then bottom of the top ten right? If you are a fan of the show then this is a must see, and even if you are not check it out, might be the spring board you need to check out the series. In an age when cartoons are a dying element on television, Phineas and Ferb is one of the best of the breed, and this film is a great addition to the series.

4 "Where's Perry's" out of 5

That's all for this round, until the next film I'm the Drew and I Be Awesome.

Drew On Movies #9: Winnie the Pooh (2011)

Winnie the Pooh (2011)

"We're all going to die"

There's something I never thought I would hear in something associated with Winnie the Pooh, but just past the midpoint of this movie that line is uttered, and while the characters don't die, a part of my childhood did.

A little bit of backstory here- I love Winnie the Pooh. I grew up with a mix of the old videos, Winnie the Pooh and The Honey Tree, Winnie the Pooh and a Day For Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh and The Blustery Day, and Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too, along with videos and televised episodes of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, most of which I still find entertaining today. Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too has been a holiday staple for me since I first saw it. I own copies of the original two Pooh books, 'Winnie The Pooh' and 'The House at Pooh Corner'.  I own a large stuffed Pooh bear and my siblings recently bought themselves giant Tigger plushies. I have pictures from a visit to Disney World with the Pooh characters.  I once wrote satirical stories based on the Pooh characters to amuse myself and friends, and I enjoyed some of the later films like The Tigger Movie and Pooh's Heffalump Movie to varying degrees. Hell, I discovered Taoism through the books 'The Tao of Pooh' and 'The Te of Piglet'.

So I'd say I have some history with the characters to say the least. When I heard that Disney was going to do a new theatrical Winnie the Pooh film, I had conflicting feelings. On one hand, like with the recent Muppet movie (which I have yet to see but heard nothing but good things about), I had hopes for a return to form. While as stated I enjoyed some of the later Pooh films, some did not work for me, and the extremely dumbed down My Friends Tigger and Pooh series just offends me. So for me, I saw this as maybe a chance to have something like the older movies, and when I heard that they were adapting some of the Pooh stories I felt even better. On the other hand, my opinion of what passes for children's entertainment these days leaves much to be desired- I grew up in what I call the Golden Age of Cartoons, the real Saturday morning era, a time when even the cartoons for really young children were well written and enjoyable. The era sadly has died, and save for a very small minority of shows I've caught, most children's shows seem to think that kids are morons. They talk down to the children and treat them like idiots, and I am not a fan. I really did not want them to do this to my beloved childhood friend on a cinematic scale.

But then reviews came out that it was a decent film, and I put it on my watch list although I did not intend to watch it for some time. That is until boredom hit me and I remember that I had heard the film was short, so figured I'd throw it on as a time killer, maybe get some nostalgia out of it and be done.

I was wrong.

If I were to describe this film is the least amount of words possible, I would call it mean-spirited. Now even the old Pooh films had moments of this, but they were far between and tended to be left to the more unlikable characters- Rabbit, Owl, and Eeyore, the busy body, the know it all, and the manic depressive, leaving the rest to go about their business. But not in this film- this film even characters like Pooh are not without guilt- I never thought I'd see Pooh mistreat Piglet as much as he does in this film without some kind of resolution. Moments that should be simple slapstick go too far and just appear to be cruel- a good example being a post credit scene that I know people are expected to laugh at but I just felt ashamed by. Likewise, the overuse of Pooh's hunger- yes, we know he loves honey and his desire to get some when hungry has long been a staple of the character and the stories- but in this case they push it. I can understand one, maybe two moments where we can see he is starving and so can the other characters, and they just pass the food over him without a thought, but by the fifth or sixth time, I wanted to take a shotgun to the Hundred Acre Wood gang- especially Owl and Rabbit. The two were never at the top of my favorite character list, but in this movie they really amp up the asshole factors of both- there is as point where Rabbit just starts beating on Pooh- sure the silly old bear doesn't notice, but watching an insane looking Rabbit pound Pooh's head in anger is crossing a line in my book. Rabbit may get cross, he did so a whole lot in the older cartoons, but I never remember him actually assaulting another character. While on his character, I love Tom Kenny, he's a funny actor and voice actor, but he pretty much modified his Spongebob voice for Rabbit and did not look back- maybe they figured kids would catch on to the familiarity and ignore the fact that he is punching Pooh in the head.  And Owl, man, he was always a pompous know-it-all, but he's adding completely ignorant to his resume- a good example, when everyone is trapped in a pit except Piglet, Owl delivers a speech to him, flying out of the pit as he does so, before floating back in to the astonished looks of the others. Yes they reveal their looks are due to his speech, but to watch this scene, which includes the earlier mentioned death line, and not find yourself saying "why the hell doesn't he just fly them out of there? We know he can!" It just seems to be put there for people to question it, which I find quite stupid. If you are going to put that scene in, have one of the others comment on it- they are simple animals yes but that never stopped them before! Back to that line, yes it is delivered by Eeyore, and yes his entire character is built on endless misery, but the moment he says that line, he moves from just being sad to full on depressive. I don't want a suicidal sounding Eeyore in my movie, that is pushing the character too far.

The film seems to do a lot of that come to think of it- it pushes Owl's pompousness, Rabbit's short fuse, Eeyore's depression, Pooh's hunger, it just jacks everything up- and still doesn't even hit the hour mark. That's right, the film, which was released in theatres for people to pay to see, and as noted, theatre prices are not cheap, clocks in at 51 minutes, only coming close to an hour with credits, both opening and closing, and the post credit scene and even then it still misses the mark by almost two minutes. What makes this even worse is the two stories they use in the film seem so chopped, that they could have easily hit the hour mark and maybe a bit more with a little bit story elements put in. There's just so little really going on in this film, save for a few moments, that I really feel bad for the people who went out and spent 13-14$ on tickets for it.

Now that's not to say the movie is all bad, even the worst movies have some redeeming qualities, or at least I like to think so. The animation is top notch, which given how far Disney has moved away from the hand drawn animation front is quite incredible. The songs are ok, I'd say other then Zooey Deschanel's cover of the classic Pooh theme and the song about The Backson, the rest are pretty forgettable and a little annoying. There are also a few really funny moments, such as when Pooh tries to reach for a honey pot Owl has put on a shelf, and the stitching on his stomach tears, letting some of the fluff out- that scene is really a throwback to the exercise scene from Winnie the Pooh and The Honey Tree when Pooh tears a stitch on his butt while exercising, and made me smile. Likewise, the interactions with John Cleese's Narrator were well done and again were reminiscent of the ones from the older cartoons- a personal favorite being at the start when The Narrator, unable to wake Pooh up, resorts to turning the book upside-down so that Pooh falls out of bed. Again it's a quick scene that made me laugh, but as a whole such scenes were few and far between.

What I don't understand is what appears to be such a drastic change in the approach to the film. The changes to the characters don't serve much purpose other then to add to the overall mean feel of the film. While the film isn't nearly as dumbed down as some other children entertainment I've seen, it's mean which I think is worse, because at least I can find a reason for the dumbing down of things even if I disagree- the idea seems to be that kids are stupid, so what they watch doesn't have to be well written or intelligent because they will watch anything. Again, I disagree but at least I can put it to words- I can't do the same for a mean film- I understand it in movies for teens, because they are at an age where the world can be cruel to them, but why do little kids need to see something mean in Winnie the Pooh? Are we trying to prepare them for the cruel outside world as infants now? Do we want them to say "Well if Pooh's friends mistreat one another I guess it's ok that mine do the same". Winnie the Pooh to me has always been about friendship, happiness, imagination and the like- stuff I did not see in this film. I've said in recent years that kids today seem to lack the imagination that my generation and the ones before it seemed to have, and maybe that's because we are giving them stuff like this to feed it- if you feed a dog scraps it's not going to grow up strong, and if you feed a child's imagination poorly conceived and badly written cartoons, it's not going to have much to work with. You can say that I am not the target for this film and while that is true, it doesn't change what’s up there on the screen. The film may not be for me, but it is for kids and I don't like what they are seeing.

1.5 Empty Honey Pots out of 5

I never thought I'd write something like this about Winnie the Pooh, and it hurts me to have to do so. To see these characters fall so far from the level they were when I knew them really makes me worry about the kids that are watching this film and the rest of the stuff that’s out there. Until next time, I'm going to find some of my old Winnie the Pooh tapes and try to feel better. I'm The Drew, and I be very disappointed.